It makes sense that on the cusp of major change in my life, I would be, well, at the very least concerned from a number of standpoints, including financial. It's interesting to me that this seems as daunting as anything emotional, but is that part of actually becoming a so-called "adult"? Actually thinking beyond your heart and delving in to the practical? Does that make me a bit cold, heartless, and removed, or grounded, learned, forward thinking?

Maybe it's none of the above. Maybe it just makes me, I don't know, human? Quite frankly, I just hope today's fortune not only speaks to my finances but my overall well being. A girl can dream.

        

One of the challenges that comes with creating a blog project that's anchor on a personal mission is assessing how transparent and detailed to be about your actual personal life, from relationships and careers to hopes and fears (and on a side note, that line is further proof that I am indeed a poet, but guess what? I DO know it, and my college mentor /poetry professor will also back me up).

On a privacy front, I'm not shy per se, on paper or in person, but believe it or not, I do still adhere to the idea that there ARE situations that require selective disclosure, which let's be honest, has become all but extinct in this Tweet-my-every-move-and-inner-thought day and age. Case in point: the other day a friend said to me, "Jesus, someone I'm friends with on Facebook just changed their status to be about their urinary tract infection." Clearly, something the cyberworld needed to be made aware of asap - thanks for sharing!

Anyway, in terms of the personal mission I've set out for myself, as I use a weekly cookie message to anchor my direction - personal, professional, or maybe at times both - I've realized that there is a certain bit of holding back. Sure, I have no problem reporting in a general sense as to how these message are being integrated into my life, and whether or not they ultimately influence it one way or another, but when it comes to really delving down into the details, it's difficult for me to really open up and truly let go. Is it because this isn't the right forum for it, or does it represent a bigger core issue at hand?

A question worth taking a closer look at, at least from my point of view - and one that perhaps I'll be afforded the time to figure out eventually:


Well - if I'm going to be around for awhile, it's nice to imagine I could possibly end up in a place anchored on the word "comfortable." Because "comfort" has become somewhat of a foreign concept as of late. And that, my friends, is where I'm at with my selective disclosure right now...but today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow, and perspectives can change just like that. It's the one thing I can know I can count on: the idea that change is constant. Change is possible. Change is, at times, incredibly uncomfortable. But change is necessary - and I am in the thick of it.

        

I am a Fortunate Cookie Friday girl on the go, and without my usual camera as will become evident by the following photo. I guess the most important thing I can convey at this point is this: if I could say everything I wanted to say about my life right now, without having to factor in a plethora of other considerations, y'all would know how much today's fortune means to me. My hope is I can explain more as we go along. For now? Bear with me - and forgive my blurry photo. It was the best I could do. Let's call this Fortunate Cookie Friday, street team edition!

        

"Metamorphosis" is defined as "a profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life..." as well as "a complete change of form, structure, or substance" and "any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc." I'm not so sure if my appearance has changed, unless you count the wine pooch I'm in the process of developing as a result of having vino for dinner on a nightly basis. But as far as going from one stage of life to the next, that's sort of an understatement these days when it comes to my world.

As I try to figure out how I'm going to work through this next round of life changes, I've been thinking a lot lately about how people often say, "I just want to be happy." It's a sentiment I've never really agreed with as I don't think it's a good idea to have any one emotion as a life objective, especially one so impossible to achieve. No one can be happy day in, day out, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, at least not without some serious medication or a "Truman Show"-esque puppeteer, and even then, things are bound to go wrong, eventually.

So what's a better goal? Right now, strength and clarity are the first things that come to mind, and perhaps in lieu of happiness, figuring out how to enjoy the gifts that come with any given day: the friends and family I have, the support and love, the learning and experiences. Instead of allowing myself to live in and enjoy the moment, my natural born instinct has always been to leap frog straight to the lily pad of worry instead. And let me tell you, it's a really draining place to spend a majority of your time.

I don't know where I'm going to come out on the other end of my current metamorphosis, but one of the many things I hope to gain from it is the ability to learn how to enjoy the life around me, from the tiniest moments to the grandest of gestures. And maybe the enjoyment is what needs to become the priority in order to gain the strength and clarity I seek as well. My cookie today seems to think I'm capable of it, and boy do I hope it proves to be right.

        

What a difference a week makes. If I take stock of all the change that's been put into motion not just in my own life but around me, it's staggering, and not to be coy, but I'll have to wait to go into detail for now. That said, I can say I've never been great with transition - I completely embrace change, but the actual process usually spikes my already always present anxiety (though thankfully I've learn how to keep it a bit more at bay). Usually I just want to hurry up and get to the "after," but that sort of defeats the purpose of making the change in the first place: as simple as it sounds, I do believe it's about what you learn, feel, and experience while getting from point A to B as well.

Speaking of change, wow is life about to change drastically for a former Dark Horse colleague of mine. Without question, this man was one of the worst human beings I've ever had the displeasure of coming into contact with in my entire life, and trust me, I've met a LOT of people. He was the epitome of bitter, outright mean, and completely deceitful. Fortunately I only had to work with him for a year and a half or so, but he was rather legendary around the office for being such a total, well, prick, and he often comes up in conversation as an Urban Legend/Boogeyman of sorts when we all get together, so that said, we had just gone down Boogeyman Prick Memory Lane last week during Comic-Con.

As I said, he left Dark Horse years and years ago, and in his wake he left a lot of speculation as to whether or not he'd skimmed from the top so to speak, but as far as I know, nothing was ever proven. Flash forward to today and an email that quickly made the rounds: I like to this , "Karma at work."


I'm sure my reaction to this sounds rather vindictive, but trust me when I say this is one of those cases where someone so awful is actually getting what they deserve. How often does that happen, and how often are you around to witness it first hand (or via email, whatever works)?

On the same note, it's made me think a lot about the concept of Karma, positive versus negative energy, and everything related to these concepts, and what I know for sure is as I move forward with my life is I intend to live it in the positive as much as possible. I have zero interest in adding to any negativity already floating around out there, nor building any of my own. I want to project positivity into my life and those around me as it's the life I want in return.

In the case of my fallen colleague, I'm going to allow myself to enjoy maybe one or two more rounds of singing "Ding dong the witch is dead," (or I guess, "Ding dong the prick's in jail!"), but that will draw the negativity period of our program to a close. Paybacks are indeed a bitch; I think I'll opt for paying it forward as much as possible instead.

        

I celebrated my birthday yesterday - yes, of course it was my 21st - which means yesterday was my New Year's Day. I've said this before but I'll say it again, I mark the beginning and end of my year not by when the ball drops in Times Square, but rather with each birthday, and as such, it tends to be a somewhat quiet and reflective day. I think about what I set out to do the year before, what I accomplished, what I've learned, and most importantly, how I've grown and what I'd like to aim for next.

This past year has been a mixed bags of wins and losses, from conquering personal fears such as finishing multiple 5ks and finally taking private singing lessons (though I am sad to report there are no current plans for a SarahDisgrace worldwide tour anytime soon), to surviving incredibly painful events like when Awesome-O passed. It's also been a year of clearing the slate in preparation for a professional and in many ways personal reboot, and as a result, really trying to figure out who I am, what I want out of life, and if I have the courage to go after it.

As I head into a new SG year, I can tell you this: I know I have endless potential, and that I am a woman on the verge, but I am also well aware that it's time to stop waiting for someone else to push me off of the cliff, or for someone to give me permission to jump. I can sit here and map out all the different variations and scenarios for where I might land, or I can stop over-planning and procrastinating, and listen to the only thing that truly matters on all fronts - my heart - and take the leap.

Dale Carniege once said, "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." And today's cookie seems to be saying, "Ditto."


Time to make a move.

        

What a weird strange con it’s been. Headed home with a liver that is significantly weaker but a spirit that’s remarkably stronger. I’m not sure yet if my fortune this week was referring to acquiring a leadership role in my comics community, but what I do know is it’s a remarkable community that I never expected to be a part of, yet am so grateful for my inclusion. Make fun of comics fans all you want – we may be “dorks” and a bit socially awkward at times, but we are loyal, sincere, dedicated, and fierce.

I was reminded of this first hand several times this week. The moments are countless...

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Well kids, momma somehow misplaced her digital camera cord, so you're just going to have to take my word on what today's fortune turned out to be until I can find it or get a new one. Also consider this a drive-by cookie-ing for now, as I am in the thick of Comic-Con International in San Diego and dashing off to try and make Eric Powell's panel. More soon, but for now, I'll say this: as crazy and hectic and draining as they can be, conventions are a great reminder of how much I love the comics community. We may be the land of misfit toys, but we've got each others backs at all times. It's a really unique feeling of support and one I have yet to see in any other industry. Guess today's cookie is tuned in to this fact as well: